Giving a Green Christmas

Organic Levi's?… You got it! and more…


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A LITTLE CHRISTMAS JEER
There’s an entire sub-category of gift-recipient that we hear about ad nauseum this time of year – the “person who has everything.” I used to wonder who that person was – the one who might delight in a diamond-encrusted bra, a crystal decanter of thousand-dollar Scotch, a pen that costs more than my children’s alt-school education. But in recent years I’ve noticed: I am that person. And, I’ll be honest, I don’t want diamond-encrusted anythings, Scotch or fancy-schmancy pens. I don’t even want much of the stuff I have.
But never was I more aware of this reality than two nights ago when I was out grocery shopping and came upon a display of Chia Homers.
I recognize this as indisuputable proof that we have, indeed, lost our minds. If there was any possible marketing opportunity that had not been explored (exploited?) by the folks behind The Simpsons merchandise, it has certainly been filled with the Chia Homer.
I imagine some factory in China cranking out these Homer heads, stuffed with the tiny plastic-wrapped package that will become Chias. Who pitched this idea? What WAS the pitch – “The consumer is hungry for a Chia pet in the shape of Homer Simpson’s head!” Did they trot out the sales figures of other Chia pets, indicating that a Chia anything was a surefire winner? Was it the Simpsons connection that sealed the deal? Did the execs nod their heads in approval. “Yes, yes…” slapping each other on the back and congratulating themselves at another brilliant idea.
However it transpired, I’m glad I wasn’t there. I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself from screaming about the inanity of it all, undoubtedly being escorted from the room, asked to clean out my desk and, perhaps, if the execs were benevolent types, being handed a “stress leave.”
This holiday season I want little more than a reprieve from consumer madness – an escape from a world which sees value of any kind in a Chia Homer. I’m not sure I’ll find it. It’s the one thing that just might elude this person who ostensibly has “everything”.